Much to a demand (not a popular one mind you). Here are the Power Rankings!! Holidays really sucked me dry of energy. But the New Year and some medical grade HGH has put a pep in my step.
1. (23-3) St. Louis Blues previously 1 - Playing this team is like eating a hot pocket. You go into it full of joy and promise, and you leave disappointed, hungry, yet eager to try again. They are blitzkreiging people without the services of Stamkos, who when comes back brings another 18 fantasy points a week!! 18.... 18 more points to the team that leads the league in scoring points. Maybe if the rest of us rub our lucky charms together we can create a Captain Planet like entity to give us a shot.
2 (17-9) Anaheim Ducks previously 2 - Oh how these Ducks are mighty. Basically shoving our faces in it. You might ask what this "IT" is he is shoving our faces in, and the answer is feelings of inadequacy. Every week Tyler bakes two big inadequacy pies and jams our faces in them. Well we'll show him when his players get too expensive to sign and too old to play, and then you realize he has tons of cap room and his oldest players are barely 30. The only reason they don't have a Blues' like record is because they have the most points scored against them. More pie please....
3 (18-8) Colorado Avalanche previously 5 - Malkin is back from injury, Tim Thomas is playing well, and once Cammellari and Briere get traded at the deadline this team is going to be straight nasty to play. Also, Dustin Penner is the Marat Safin (yeah tennis reference up in this hockey forum). One of the best at what he does when he feels like playing (23 points in first 24 games, hits, great +/-), and then he gets lazy, gets demoted down lines, healthy scratch and you get 1 point in his last 15 games, yikes.
4 (19-7) Detroit Red Wings previously 3 - This team is falling apart (because if you write it, it is true or will become true). Everyone stinks, and is injured, and not
American. Really though Jagr might be the most consistent contributor for these Red Wings. Normally that would be Zetterberg and Datsyuk, but Zetterberg blew his back out banging Datsyuk's mom and then in retaliation it looks like Datsyuk blew his groin out... banging... Zetterberg's... mom (I'm not proud of that, but sometimes you just have to reach for that lowest comedic branch and grab ahold, just like their mom's did in grabbing the closest branch like object to them).
5 (21-5) Boston Bruins previously 10 - Rob has been blessed with the foresight to create this league, probably a full head of hair, maybe wins the lottery every now and then, and the 2nd easiest schedule in our league this year. Add those things up by being a top team and you get the 2nd best record. Some might say well isn't that a coincidence that the guy who makes the schedule has one of the easiest schedules, and I'd say don't say that stuff out loud! Rob knows when you've been bad or good, knows when you are asleep, and to leave my blinds open when I'm getting changed or at least that is what his christmas e-card said to me. Clearly the guy is not someone you want to mess with.
6 (16-10) Chicago Blackhawks previously 12 - I'm sick of two things with this team. 1. They keep beating me. 2. The name Blackhawks. Sounds pretty racist to me. I think the new politically correct term should be Peoplehawks. It sounds more all inclusive. The Chicago Peoplehawks. You could make a wicked new team logo with Bill Murray (from Chicago) wearing an eagle's beak. Someone float that idea to the owners, pronto. Also, I'm tired of hearing how Toews might be the best player in the league, and how what he does on the ice can't be quantified or seen on a score sheet. If you can't quantify what he does with some of the new ridiculous stats they have then he isn't doing enough to be considered the best player.
7 (17-9) Carolina Hurricanes previously 4 - If you are a defenseman on my team you will be injured. It will be severe and perhaps life threatening. You have all been warned. Eric Staal has been a miserable disappointment. Almost 9 million dollars to watch him play like... well everyone else on the real life Canes that isn't Jeff Skinner, poorly. Please, if any of you have any VHS or some youtube clips you can show Cam Ward what he looked like in 2006 that would be wonderful. For me to make a play at the title I'm going to need "guttless" Bobby Ryan to take his epic levels of rage at Brian Burke and score goals like never before.
8 (15-11) Washington Capitals previously 8 - I just read a thing that said Ovechkin's goal scoring ability makes up for his poor defensive play. Well they have a way to show that and it is +/-. It blew my mind that he is -16 on the year. The very definition of that stat says his goal scoring is in fact not making up for his inability to play defense. And that is the reason the real life Capitals will never make it past any good team in the playoffs. These fantasy Capitals though have a good shot. Varlamov has been a beast and Semin is starting to come out of his funk. Perreault in Anaheim has been huge as has Zuccarello in New York. Those unsung guys are who bring you to the promised land.
9 (17-9) Edmonton Oilers previously unranked - Leading their division and my dark horse pick to lay waste to their foes on their way to the playoffs (you can check, it is a verifiable fact). Rinne is going to come back and probably just go gang busters on the league. The Oilers are like the Harlem Globe Trotters of the NHL except instead of being nearly unbeatable, they are the most beatable. Most beatable, huh sort of like Rihanna.
Bubble Teams. Everyone here still has a real good shot to get into the playoffs. The sneaky Canucks are sitting in the last playoff spot. Pray on the Canucks weakness, attack from the shadows and make that spot yours.
10 (13-13) Los Angeles Kings previously 7
11 (14-12) Pittsburgh Penguins previously 6
12 (12-14) Montreal Canadiens previously 9
13 (15-11) Vancouver Canucks previously 11 - These Canucks ended up 18th out of 20 teams last year and now this. Quite a big transformation and alot of credit has to go to Gilly and him being in the softest division in the league. But, when you have a chance you gotta seize it. All across Vancouver people are telling Gilly to Canuck up! Canuck up and bring their team to the playoffs.
14 (13-13) Phoenix Coyotes previously unranked
Teams having terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days (i.e. seasons). The Panthers and Flames actually have alot of good youngsters producing right now, so I don't see them being on the bottom for very long.
15 Toronto Maple Leafs
16 Philadelphia Flyers
17 Tampa Bay Lightning
18 Buffalo Sabres
19 Florida Panthers
20 Calgary Flames
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MLB LIVE EXPANSION DRAFT (Gamblers/Expos) 